The Metaverse Doesn’t Exist
20 July 2022


Okay, thoughts on the metaverse.
 
I find it quite hilarious how the world revolves around 5 men swinging their dicks around (Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Richard Branson and most recently our good old Putin).
 
The internet explains it quite clearly, Mark Zuckerberg was drowning in lawsuits and shit brand perception (because - we all know it - facebook is evil), so he decides to do a shiny little rebrand to shift attention to the least shady sides of his business. 
 
He comes up with the Metaverse (great name don’t get me wrong). It’s somehow always represented with 3D CG images and a CG little puppet (that would be you) in a jpeg. 
 
That is just a jpeg. It is lovely, inspired (or stealing) from the world of games. Real games, that are also brands. Stuff like Fortnight, Animal Crossing, etc. Those are images from (mostly) games that exist, and Mark Zuckerberg has nothing to do with them. If by those standards all those games are extensions of the metaverse, then every digital CG world is a metaverse - even The Sims 2 which I played in 2007 is a metaverse. Lovely.
 
Now, it makes sense for brands to participate in games. It’s because people game. People are in a space and, as advertisers, we show up in that space in an interesting way. People were driving on highways, we put ads there. People read magazines, we put ads there. People went to the internet, we put ads there. 
 
Tik Tok was never a shiny idea with a shiny name. It’s literally one video after the next, and you scroll down. Genius? Shiny? Innovative? Not really. But somehow all briefs we work on have Tik Tok on it right now. That’s because people in flash and bones (you guessed it) actually use the damn thing so - as advertisers - we show up on it. Logical.
 
Now, there is no www.metaverse.com. Google it. That website does not exist. None of us has actually downloaded it, used it, has any emotional connection to it. Unlike Facebook, unlike emails, unlike highways, unlike Tik Tok. But - we’re in advertising, and our industry is directly responsible for making Mark Zuckerberg the rich inflated fucker he is. We are his gold mine. So, he made up a shiny little platform (made UP, not made, not made yet, who knows if he’ll actually ever make it). And brands are already INVESTING IN IT.
 
Because, greedy brands want to take part in this greed circle with Mark Zuckerberg where rich CEOs wank each other’s RGB magenta 30% opacity CG Meta Dicks off. I personally don’t think that deserves my energy yet. I’d rather waste precious brain energy and leftover sanity to come up with ideas for places where actual human beings are. 
 
Take NFTs. Whether you’re into it or not, whether you get it or not, people (real life people with blood and teeth and all) are spending actual money on it. Hard earned cash. It’s an actual thing. There’s actual websites that cater to NFTs. Unlike the “metaverse”. Go to opensea.com and you’ll find actual people actually interacting. I own NFTs! Me! Cri! An actual real life human. Not a PR headline.
 
So, let’s chat about it when it actually exists, kay? 
Or else we’re all falling victim of Mark’s evil plan (again).